today i am irritated and annoyed with strangers. i don't care about your problems. i don't care about your lost reservations. i don't care about your mother/father/lover/brother/
or your failed suicide attempt.
i'm sorry if i sound like an asshole but i'm quite self-induced with wanting nothing more than to lie on a bed (any one at this point) and read anne sexton or that genet biography i recently purchased.
i hate the sound of screaming babies and the internet that allows you to look and reflect on the past or other's pasts for that matter.
god. i don't want to be human. i don't want my actions to be something "understood" yet looked poorly on.
it is common, yes, to fail at times in the ways of a lover. i am not proud of this, but i do not deny it. it is what it is. to fail as a friend. to fail to yourself.
today, and only today, is a day where i want to shut out most everyone and not think.
to hide inside a color and lie still frame.
to be nothing. to want nothing. to not even be aware of the word "desire".
reclusive, in 3 gleams, to the wall.
(to mirror that).