Wednesday, March 31, 2010


going to his website only made me miss him more.

i need to get my tattoo.
(and trust me, i don't need much but this is somethingthatisnotanoption)
last night,
a lady tried to break into our house.
i didn't sleep at all.
every sound was someone trying to come kill me
every silence was the moment right before the act.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

100 things.

it's really quiet at the hotel
and i hate money.
it hurts relationships and makes people feel small
or it makes people feel better than others
or it kills

when i was younger, i told my cousin that i thought the world would be such a better place if everything in the world cost 1 penny. everything.
that way, all that you would need would be a dollar-you could get 100 things.
and when i was younger, 100 things seemed pretty sufficient.

Monday, March 29, 2010


they are finishing the remnants of carpet on the hotel floor.
and i am breathing in the fumes...

i've always been fascinated with treehouses.
as a kid, i tried building one.
it took me 7 days just to build a window.
I have no sense of shape
or art
all that i accomplished was a wooden window frame
and a hand full of blisters.

i guess i've been drawn to escapism.

Sunday, March 28, 2010


i used to be a writer.

and sometimes i feel there is need for violence.

i've always wanted a treehouse.
i guess i've been inclined to escapism. 

Friday, March 26, 2010

get a tattoo

today i feel much better

 struck me in the chest.

made me realize that nothing is everything and everything is nothing.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

watching water.

i have a lot of anger in me 
and this i not something new
i get irritated easily
at the same time
i love hard and am loyal
especially to those who i believe are the same to me
but lately
i've been bothered by the mere sights of some faces
this sounds so 
but please know that i have good intentions
sometimes all that it takes or will ever take 
is to write it out
in order to understand it 
and fix it
and that is what i'm doing
because i don't want to be the :serious one" always,
the "mother of the fucking group"
the one who covers her bases while everyone else is living in warped speed
and there is no judgement here
but it's hard to separate yourself from those you (are a family with/makeshift family/career/"business") 
your actions become their actions and their trash becomes your trash and your fuck up becomes their fuck ups and their blood becomes your blood and your distance 
will only ruin this in the end

and i realize this 
and that is why i'm writing this

it is all within the process
or maybe it isin't. 


turning 25 was eventful
while at the same time, unnecessary. 

the day started out great-playing a live set at Dublab.
i think one day, i would love to DJ at an online radio station...
think of that
playing your favorite music nonstop-meeting artists. 

the hotel cafe show was great...a little stressful due to our car breaking down but we made it happen, with a few minutes to spare. 
Raine Phoenix came to our show and she came up to me and talked to me for about 10 minutes. She was genuine and beautiful.
A good person...

The night went from great to drama in a matter of hours. but I guess that's life , right?
Our  beautiful friends Nico and Jeanean came to hang out and we snuck up on the hotel rooftop and stared down at death.

(i think this was my favorite part of the trip-the small amount of time where it was just Dani, Jordyn, Nico, and I-and we were all on the rooftop talking about future plans and fumbling over the stars and neon signs-it was all a blur-)

Thursday, March 18, 2010

bells toll.

my dear friend 
her heart is sore
from some premature other 
those young things
those simple fingers
his shaky heart
bold veins
to be nothing more than a shell of skin 
yet to have that power to alter someone else's life

i will never get it. 

how out of millions of people,
two can meet
and break one another. 

i don't have much advice
other than that i've been there before
a few times actually
and i'm just as confused as i was then
while i was in it

my girl,
it gets better.
but it takes time.

oh, the things we do to pass the time between the wars. 

i don't regret a single day.

talking with a friend yesterday about the irrelevant needs that we consume
when really a humble meager living is when we learn most about those around us. 
i have a 7 dollar budget to live off of for the next 3 days and wow-i just spent 4.95 at Metro Espresso but i am stubborn and i need my coffee for the day 
and wow-i was only expecting to pay 2.95 for this drink but the lady at the register told me that there was a 5 dollar minimum for debit cards
so i bought a muffin that i half heartedly in love with
but when i went to sign the slip, it said 4.95. 
was she lying to me? 

i am inspired by something small,
so many things actually.
a walk around town with my headphones on yesterday started it/
Dessa is someone that I can't get enough-and it is that same fucking song
number 39 on rotate
i don't wanna stop. 
you know, when you get hooked in, on that song that has that certain mood that you want to just live in-for days, possibly weeks, months if you are lucky? 
that song, that mood
that song has that mood 
that melancholy timbre when the piano hits the half notes perfectly
and the beat is consistent enough to feel like a temporary backbone
for when you don't want to have one.
you can walk to the beat
foot and foot in sync
and then the violin comes in just enough to tug at your heart strings.

my love is violent. 
i am in love with the simple things of the day and the lack thereof.
i am also a contradiction.
i am restless and sore and always wanting more.
i think of my mother and how hard she worked and i don't want that the rest of my life.
but then again, walking around aimlessly with this song in my head sounds better than other things i could be doing.

with so many things to do before you die,
how can you not fall in love with the temporary? 

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

nost. a. l. g. ia

all stand still
for the final applause
the nostalgic ones will bow
and hum until you politely leave the room-
and our eyes, oh! our eyes
will follow your venom out
until we collapse with exhaustion and night terrors.

i want to knwo the real question...

where the fuck is Kyle Gardner and Eric Isom?

con verse.

the most simplest of things:
sleeping in 'til 10
having lunch with family
walking downtown with headphones on blast

this has been my day today and this is what i've been waiting for.

to not be distant for once
and there in the conversation
eye contact
facing east
not fumbling with my fingers
or shoelaces
or hair
but staring right at another
talking back.

Monday, March 15, 2010


dani, oh dani.
my love, my girl.
you turn 22 tomorrow.

we have known each other for 4 years now.
you're my BLOOD.

tiny girl in this crazy universe//
we've got so many things to figure out and discover together.


something strange has come over me.
i am in the middle of a collapse,
never coming back
drop dead
in my bed
face plant in the mattress-
sheets become my skin
the eyelids imprint
i'm not coming back.
i'm not coming back.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

voodoo child.

i am drowning in homework.
no anchor no anchor no anchor

and i am surrounded by tourists
who hold cameras, strapped to their chest and chips on their shoulders
all looking for the best deal the internet has to offer
and i am wearning someone else's nametag and uniform altogether-
my name is "erin" tonight..."hello".

and i have the strongest sensation to watch the 90's movie "girl",
you know the one where Clare Danes is really young and really cute
and she has sex with a dumb "rock god" and then she falls in love with him and
only after an hour and a half, realizes that she was way better than he will ever be
and so she falls in love with her platonic best friend and they end up having sex.

remember that one?

p.s. i want to wear a headdress and drink wine and listen to jimi hendrix on vinyl.
c'mon jimi, hit me with your magic.

Thursday, March 11, 2010


mornings like this, i wish i could 
go behind that cliff
the one no one knows exists
and forget about you
and forget about me
and listen to that one song that i have become obsessed with now
you know it always changes
but i think this one will stick for a while

"i don't regret a single day"

this morning the past was brought up
and i don't mind thinking about it
at all
but i don't want to remember loving her. 

Sunday, March 7, 2010


but i have things
i have things
i have things

to show you. 

no need to entertain the impossible
a slight refrain until the tempo 
becomes your pulse
and blood is blood

i am used to this
i am used to this
i've felt all of this before
i know the future like the veins in my arms

there's no letting go.

hold on hold on hold on 
don't go.
i'm a wasteland manic girl who has an easy temper and dis-repair
a leaky heart and an asylum for nightmares.

no need to entertain the rational
this world is nothing but frantics. 


hysteria hysteria hysteria

my mind's been a mess since i was cognitive-
helplessly following the words and hearts of those whom i just cannot resist. 

i told Machu today to never lose her innocence -the love for life that we once could not repress-the two of us walking down 6th street-amazed by odd shaped trees or machines that looked like characters. we would laugh at anything out of sincerity -never forcing anything-and spray paint our best friends who we were obsessed with. 

i am the advocate for your favorite false attempts in recovering your past or your lost best friend. 
i am nostalgic for good and bad reasons.
i am in the backseat of a car
driving 600 miles away from/to you. 

Monday, March 1, 2010


tonight the hotel has been a hound of sirens.
all pulling away at nothing for nothing.

i have made a new friend this week.
i would like to keep my old ones.

and we leave for LA in 3 days.
couches and hardwood floors to be our homes.