merge.

my co-worker stays at work an extra 2-4 hours after his shift so that he doesn't have to go home to his wife. 

he'll do anything to stay here. 

he's not looking for overtime pay...he's not looking for companionship.

he just wants to read his books in silence.

he wants to hide from her for as long as he can.

knowing and seeing this makes me so damn sad. i hope to god that i don't ever make my lover feel this way about me. 

i have a lot to learn. 

i know this.

i think that we all do.

we will always have a lot to learn.

but i want to be a better person to those in my life. 

i have to look at all of this as something other than a setback.

it can be a very positive thing.

i'm learning that it's all about your mind state. 

and yes, that should have always been an obvious thing but it's not. 

it's really fucking hard to remember to stay positive all the time.

i mean, isin't it?

maybe it's just me.

i don't know.

but i've always been prone to look at the worst in things...

when I was younger, i would keep it all to myself and brace myself for it.

but somehow, as i got older-i started talking

and that talking made me somehow feel better

and then it all got to be too much 

and i would say too much.

i think i like being closed off

only because it doesn't affect others when you keep things to yourself.

it doesn't have to be a bad thing, keeping your mouth shut.

just look at it as "acceptable silence".

oh, and yea good morning.