siren

my girlfriend said to me today that she doesn't like to buy me things because i would never use them. 

and she is mostly right. 

i had my laptop for a year before i turned it on. 

i had a wonderful friend give me a dr. sample machine for my birthday (last march) and i have only recently been trying to figure it out.

my new clothes hang in the closet, tags on and waiting. 

i don't know why i do this. 

she is right. 

mostly. 

but it's only because i feel that having a bunch of things only can only weigh down a person.

it's true. 

the other night, jordyn and I were at the hardware store looking for surge adapters for the christmas lights. the lady at the store warned us to be careful because so many houses burn down. as she said this, i thought to myself that i was mildly calm about that fact because all that i would want out of that burning house would be for my family to be out safe, my dog, and maybe my laptop. well, yes my laptop. i didn't have to think about the plasma tv's that i don't have or the modern furniture or the italian suits or shoes. 

because i have nothing. 

i have some thrift store clothes, old shoes from high school that i still wear and some musical instruments. 

not saying that i don't care about any of these things-i do- but i was able to walk away with a small breath of relief that i would not have to tear myself away relunctly from the burning house because of all that expensive thousands of dollars of plastic. 

i'm not condemning materials or people who enjoy them. 

i could care either way i guess.

to each their own, truly. 

but i've had 1 house burn down along with every toy, piece of clothing, and whatnot when i was younger

and 1 house get destroyed by a flood a few years back

so i've learned that nothing is permanent. 

geez. i hope i don't jinx myself and come by on this thing a few days from now and say "fuck! i meant none of this!" 

but if it were to be so be it. 

i guess, i 'm just writing this to reassure myself that it's ok to not want many things.

christmas time is here and with that, 

the usual questions of what people want, 

the long lists of items 

and the common stress and expectation.

could i use alot of things? 

of course.

but it's not needed. 

the bed, the clothes, 

the pug, the girlfriend, 

the music, the family, 

the books

(are)