goodbye.

here's to lovelorn women,
fiesty pugs,
crippled language,
anxious walks,
interrupted phone calls,
panic school mornings,
la bou dreams,
genet nightgowns,
baldwin tease,
singing and screaming,
having and losing,
crying and smiling,
black death
and evergreen life.

2009.

(i am grateful)

ode to 09.

i'm stuck in a hotel lobby with screaming Turkish children and men who hate women. 

needless to say, i am contemplating my life and all of the events that have occurred in 2009. 

falling in love with jordyn happened in '08 but the fact that we were able to spend last New Years together (on my couch in my old living room because I was sick and could not go out) means so much to me. the fact that we will be spending another New Years tomorrow together makes me insanely grateful. that girl is legit. 

i fell in love with another girl in '09-but this one was pretty hairy and snores a lot. Ophelia, the boss bitch. she is my daughter. i love that pug. 

i turned 24 this year ( a number that i have always been slightly afraid of). the birthday was great-close friends, mexican food, and intoxication. 

i went back to school this year and finally felt focused and prepared. 

music was the most progressive this year (hoping that this will continues onto 2010).  genaro and nicholas were added, we all fell in love with one another (despite a few verbal spats and whatnot). we went on tour, went to snoop dogg's house (sort of) and raided a liquor store. we also played the most shows ever this year and signed onto Manimal. 

i stopped working at the fucking hell job (peets coffee) and started working at a hotel. i am now free of long lines of coffee snobs and the boss from hell but am still a little lost with working at a place that my heart is not into.

a lot of people have died this year. 

it's fucking sad and always a hard thing to see or hear. 

besides the obvious mega stars that died this, the recent death of Brittany Murphy has me still reeling. it's strange because i am not crazy into movies but her death has not settled well with me. she was young and beautiful and seemed really sweet. 

another death that got to me was singer vic chesnutt. he was 45 when he committed suicide on christmas day. even though, i don't know much of his music, his story really got to me. he seemed like a really hardworking, genuine man and musician. 

people, please. stop dying. 

this world needs you. 

if i've learned anything this year, i've learned mostly that i do not want to die. 

i want to live. 

i know this may seem strange to say but in the past ( and i think we all do this to some extent), i thought about death a lot. probably a lot more than i should have. 

this year, i've learned to really respect life and to appreciate what each moment can teach you. 

and all of this might sound cheesy but it's what i've learned. 

one rough month or day can change with a phone call or by simply walking outside of your front door. 

my life has changed a lot this year and i'm learning this.

i don't think i made too many new friends this year. 

i tried to keep the ones that i have had.

i am excited for 2010. i am actually looking forward to this year more so than any other. 

let there be what will come. 

i am not afraid. 

express.

i feel strangely out of place at work today.
like an imposter in the blue blazer, trying her hardest to fit in in order to not get caught.
i don't know what i'm doing here.

swallow.

(there's nothing that i'm gonna say

until the death of two 

equals you

and when you come back

i'll praise the day

scream to the walls

prayers in attack,

alas...

thank god, she's come back)

all my life, oh i can't take it. on my own.

it's christmas and all that i want to do right now is listen to Warpaint and stare at either the blank of the ceiling or the black of the sky.

brittney murphy, 90s beauty queen.

i'm still really bothered by brittney murphy's death.
i don't really know why (i never met the girl) but it's affecting me more than i guess i thought it would.
i don't know.
i guess, it's just that she was so young.
it's unsettling.
she was also a favorite of mine because of "clueless", what can I say, that movie is a fucking 90's classic.


uhg. i'm bummed.
so many people died this year.
people stop it, please!
stop dying.
please.

i am closed until the 31st.

Los Angeles was amazing. good friends, barry manilow hotel room, fucking amazing coffee, L.A. Record XMAS Party with FLYING LOTUS!, finally met Paul and the Manimal crew, good talks with the VV girls, met Jenny from WARPAINT, met some nice people, played such a great show with the sc fam, and it snowed on our way through the grapevine!

i miss my friends already.
i'm at work today, back to reality so far.
it's not bad by any means, but it was nice being with my family and friends for 4 days straight.

this year is ending.
let's make it good.
it's already been so memorable.


oh, 2010. be good to everyone.