Monday, March 28, 2011
"knowing mother, I knew that I would never really know mother" everyone has left the hotel for dinner. it is roughly 7:40pm and the door has stayed shut for some time. everyone is walking down the blocks that i have walked so many times before. this city is Sacramento this city was where we once loved one another. so many others. lately, all i ever do is think of the past. i don't mind this except for the fact that it then creates a gnawing pain that won't stop. sometimes it's at my side, other times it is headed more toward my lungs. at times, i feel it losing it's color. but it just keeps on going and my mind starts racing. too much remembering. can you please lose this memory bank faster? what the hell is going to happen if i do end up losing my memory? MOTHER. shit happened during childhood that wasan't supposed to. FATHER neglect is a very heavy thing.