18

days.

13 days

and counting.

Twice

This song

I could listen to this song

100 times in a row

400 times in a row

it's so good you forget that it's even playing

(does that make sense?)

it just starts to blend into the background of your life

as you lie in bed

and look up to the ceiling of words that you placed above

to possibly inspire you

or help calm you

during a frantic night

this song

I could listen to this song

when you were in my arms

so young back then

humming along to the words you didn't know

young love

youthful love is frightening because there is nothing like it

ever again

it's there and will never come back

this song

I could listen to this song

on long drives

to Big Sur

and back again

this song

I could listen to this song

and take the drugs that fucked with our

lungs again

this song

I could listen to this song

and rip my teeth out

because there is nothing more perfect to do at a moment when you feel that no sound could be more beautiful.

125 Grand Ave.

So,

there is this uncertain quality in the air lately...

i'm trying to understand it as I wake up everyday//

don't know where it's going

don't know where it's coming from

the same form is the form of yesteryears

I was a kid when I moved to Long Beach

living off of canned tomato sauce and dry noodles,

Fiona Apple and Magnolia,

jazz biographies and expired phone cards.

I would ride all over the city

with my headphones strapped

holding my cd player as if it was a gun

to my side to my side to my side

holding the notes clenched to my ribs

sometimes a note that she would hit

would make me cry

as i pedaled down hills

the tears climbing down my face

i was not frantic back then

i was inspired

but calm

(i knew time would come)

And then the fires destroyed the land in '03

and the ash came out of the sky

covering us all as we walked outside

my bike

my bike

my arms

my ribs

turning into rust

big sur.

shroud
and all the clay souls
were with us that day
we decieded
on a small whim
to make the magical drive to Big Sur
i wanted to see the blue
and you wanted to show me too
because i had never been

sweater in hand
the cd's (John Frusciante and Tycho)
i was obsessed with that one record
during that time
my heart had been broken
and it seemed so romantic to listen to John's wails
getting lost somewhere in that wind

we drove and hardly stopped
took no caution
and you guided
i had to switch seats because you knew the mountains

and when we finally did stop
all i remember
as i stepped out,
was almost falling to my knees
the sight was so beautiful
nothing had ever made me cry before
purely from sight
but this blue,
this blue had never touched me before
i was it
and it was i
and i stood there,
arms wrapped around nothing
in tears
humbled by this existence
mourning already that i would have to leave it.

we stared off into the cliff
silence
was the purest song
we could ever learn to sing that day
that day
that day was our hymn
we were religious
that night
as we dove into
each other's skin

i read you like the final pages
of any scripture
i could understand

tea.

i'm trying really hard to look at the big picture here.

to keep it in mind at all times,

so as not to get overwhelmed

so as not to give up.

i'm feeling very anxious this morning

i want to take medicine that does not belong to me

i want to forget

i want to just sleep.

September

September

(clear the throat)

uh hummmmmmmmmmmm


yes i think i love you.

You, you September

you are all things clearing

you, you

you are all things worth taking chances for

you, you


prove to be worshiped.

don't let me down.