homes.

tonight the hotel has been a hound of sirens.
all pulling away at nothing for nothing.

i have made a new friend this week.
i would like to keep my old ones.

and we leave for LA in 3 days.
couches and hardwood floors to be our homes.

in reverse

sister crayon video debuted on LA WEEKLY today.


it's kinda strange.

premature

today i realized that i am going to do everything in my power to not stress out about anything that i have no control over. 

i'm in love with the Stoic idea of living life. 

i need to just live this way. 

no need to worry about anything that i can't control.

i'm going to be 25 soon.

no need for premature heart attacks. 

credential.

today i realized that i need to either embrace my reclusiveness or start making some friends.

a serious man

the past few days i have been hiding in my room,
secular and to a full view of the ivy frowning around at me.
it keeps growing.

last night jordyn and i went to tres hermanas and ate more food than should be allowed. it was nice to indulge (i admit) but i am ready to go to the gym tomorrow.

there are 2 small girls in the hotel lobby right now, jumping in front of a mirror. being 8 and unaware was the best.

i watched "a serious man" the other night and felt conflicted at first. i love the cohen brothers and think they are brilliant but i was not into this movie -at first. it took another day for the plot and meanings to sink in-it definatly left me thinking about the movie-so i guess it served it's purpose. but i was not thrilled at first, like i had been while watching "no country for old men" but then again, those two are nothing alike. anyway, "a serious man" is brilliant. it is complex and full of despair. it leaves you with little hope left for humanity, but it's beautiful in that it leaves you with real, permanent, sinking sadness.
none of that fairytale bullshit or glamour. it's hopeless.

ew. i sound so cynical but i'm not. i just really like the sad sometimes.

mexican music

i'm supposed to be keeping a "relaxation journal" for the next 2 weeks for class.
we'll see how that goes.

oh, i got a 2nd job today working for the State Water Board. So wierd, a bunch of filing paperwork and scanning things. I get flexible hours and a tiny desk-it'll be interesting.

The guy who interviewed me had a Slayer tattoo. It was awesome.



what is everyone doing for Valentine's day?
In the past, i have boycotted this stupid day and have rejected it as merely an American excuse to consume...I still feel that this holiday is just that.
But...I have to admit, I want to take Jordyn out to dinner .
Just that. Simple. Mexican food. and maybe rent a movie. and watch it in bed. with ophelia.

the squid and the whale

something about roomates, i remember.
the slow, slender pulse of the boys waking up to nothing.
i never cooked
nor did they, except for the rarity of brilliance that was Aaron behind a stove.
we lived in squalor, but it was love.
and the dust piled up, the dirt and grime never left our necks
or the carpet,
but we hugged every night and fully meant it.
i don't think i will leave that house and i don't think that house will ever leave me.





------------
i was sick and i remember you were gone and i remember i missed you and i remember climbing the stairs half mast to your bedroom and i remember crawling into your bed alone with blankets covering me from head to nose and i watched "the squid and the whale" in your bed and there was a whole lot of misery going on in that hour and a half and i missed you it ached i wanted my friend back i wanted my friend back i wanted my friend back and after the movie i went back into my bedroom and fell asleep listening to Mum.
i remember.